Fear.

“Fear is not a trivial matter. In many ways, it restricts our lives; it imprisons us.”

So I have been a little M.I.A., been fighting some big ass demons. lol. I just want to talk about something I think that we all face – knowingly or not. Maybe you don’t always feel it but when you do, you don’t know what to do. It causes anxiety, stress, heartache…and you know what it’s a real bitch. Constantly stopping you from what you want to do or pursue and to be honest, I never thought that I would be the person to even own up to this but I will, fear, it has stopped me from living my life to the fullest.

I have a huge fear of letting people down and/or disappointing them.

So what is fear: to be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.

Painful, that’s the word, I don’t like it. No one likes to feel pain and unless you’re evil you don’t like to inflict pain on others – whether it be physical or emotional.

I think I have spent my whole life trying to make everyone around me happy that I completely lost myself along the way. Don’t get me wrong I have certainly felt happy in my life, many times but I have also found myself in some sticky situations where I feel pressure, uneasiness, and lots of stress. Then I asked myself, why? Why am I in this position?

Because I allow myself to be. I would rather make the other person or crowd happy because the thought of letting them down or hurting them gives me anxiety, creates stresses and makes me feel guilty.

But that’s not where it ends, I also have the fear of letting go, the fear that everything will go wrong, the fear that I won’t be happy…Really?? Talking about anxiety on another level. Can’t sleep, can’t eat, don’t want to work out, don’t want to be around people, just want to be left alone.

Fear and anxiety go hand in hand and together they will rule your world but only if you allow them to.

But not today Satan, not today. 

As I sit here at this awesome coffee shop in Fort Lauderdale, sipping my dirty thai espresso and munchin’ on this amazingly fresh blueberry muffin, I started to think. So FullSizeRender 11I put my headphones on, opened up Macbook and started Googling fear, the study of fear, phobias, how to be fearless, how to be strong, how to find the strength and courage to find MYSELF and be and feel happy again. I am 30 years old and still afraid to go out and chase my dreams and my happiness.

I found some awesome things, read tons of articles, came across books to read and questions, the Internet is such a powerful tool!! I asked myself the below questions over and over and over…and let me tell you, each time I asked myself it was something different.

  1. What am I actually afraid of?
  2. Am I afraid of the process or the result?
  3. Do I feel that I can handle the process?
  4. Do I feel like I can handle the outcome?

Some say fear is an emotion while others think it’s a symptom of anxiety which some consider a disorder. My whole point to this is that I don’t need to be afraid and I need to stop thinking that I’m letting people down and start realizing  that I’m making better decisions for myself.  I know I can’t make everyone happy and I know that it’s just simply impossible to. Your happiness – and mine – should be number one on the list. If you feel like me, please don’t allow yourself to feel this way any longer. Find yourself! I’m working on me too. 

My sister and I were texting back and forth today on a particular situation that is creating a lot of chaos in my mind and creating all this fear, she said “it’s going to be hard and it will be a battle but the freedom and happiness will be worth the fight”. Talk about being a philosopher? LOL. My sister is a nutcase sometimes but in times of need she really comes through and I couldn’t be anymore happy with her love and support. 

I broke down what she said and applied it to various situations and although I’d love to get into detail the coffee shop is getting ready to close plus I have to go home to my pug. Until next time…I will try my hardest to start posting all these pending posts I have but life happens. LOL

Good night ūüôÉ

 

 

 

Copy Cat Strawberry Poppyseed & Chicken

I don’t know if y’all¬†have been to Panera Bread to check out their¬†summer menu yet but it’s pretty good¬†and really refreshing. I¬†love summer and nothing is more satisfying¬†on a hot day than an ice cold beer¬†but of course we can’t always have beer especially when are¬†at work. I decided to make a copy cat of one of their salads, it doesn’t contain everything but you definitely can get playful with it,¬†adding what you like and taking out what you don’t like.

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I never tried fruit in salad and to be honest the thought of it just weirded¬†me out for some reason that was until I walked into to Panera Bread and discovered that¬†they were no longer going to carry my favorite salad, Asian Sesame Chicken Salad (tear). I was sad and kind of forced to try something new and that’s when¬†Strawberry Poppyseed & Chicken¬†Salad came into my life. ¬†IT WAS DELISH! I had to order it without the toasted pecans as I’ve developed¬†nut allergies thru the years, which kind of sucks ’cause¬†I’m sure the¬†pecans give it that extra texture.

Anyway I went grocery shopping a few days after having that salad and it was on my mind, I had to replicate it if not at least something pretty close! So I bought the ingredients Panera Bread had listed on their website, I opted out on blueberries, pineapples and of course the pecans. The poppyseed dressing on the salad is amazing, light subtle and flavorful. I knew that I wanted to make a poppyseed dressing from scratch but tell me why it was impossible for me to find poppyseeds?! I may have to go to wholefoods or even order them online but I found out that Panera Bread started to sell their own dressing which is available at your local supermarket in the produce section and even at Target. Score!

When I got home, I lightly seasoned some chicken breasts and popped them in the oven and as soon as they cooled I put them in the refrigerator so that the next day they would be nice and chilled for the salad.

Lets get this salad assembled…what you need:

  • Chicken Breast, cooked & diced
  • Romaine lettuce
  • Strawberries, sliced
  • Mandarin Oranges, Del Monte¬†
  • Crispy wantons strips
  • Poppyseed dressing

Add as little or as much as you want, ultimately you know what will satisfy you.¬†I’m¬†going to be honest, I NEVER measure anything when I cook or in this case assemble. I do measure when I bake and that’s really the only time. I guess I just learn and do taste tests as I go.

Let me know what you think and definitely try the salad, if not at home at least at Panera Bread!

**Panera Breads’ ingredients, per their website:¬†Chicken raised without antibiotics and romaine tossed with fat-free poppyseed dressing and topped with fresh strawberries, blueberries and pineapple, mandarin oranges and toasted pecan pieces

 

Chicken and Vegetable Lasagna

Back in my younger days when I was working¬†as a cashier at Winn-Dixie Grocery Stores you’d find me either eating or always wanting to eat. I went from being a carnivore¬†to a vegetarian to a vegan and well, right back to a carnivorous creature. I never understood why I went through such¬†phases but I did. Might I mention, you feel so clean and refreshed as a vegetarian but even more so as a vegan. It’s difficult being vegan though, reading labels, not knowing what are in other people’s recipes, it’s tough stuff but if you are dedicated and don’t crave the animal products you are good. Honestly, these days I couldn’t be vegan, the lack of ¬†protein from eggs and meats, I just can’t. I LOVE eggs, to the moon and back. Any style, any way, I love love love eggs. YUM.

Anyways, back to my story of when I worked at Winn-Dixie, I went through my vegetarian phase and I fell in love with Stouffer’s Vegetable Lasagna that is sold in the frozen section. When baked it’s absolute perfection! I¬†just want to eat more and more and more until I explode. The breadcrumbs nice and crispy and the inside so cheesy and gooey, ugh, soooo delish!! If I hadn’t just eaten a serving of my own dish, which is equally good, if not better ūüėú I think I would have put this post on pause and run to the grocery store to buy me some! I think I even licked the little package it came in one time, don’t judge me, it was just that¬†good! At work however, I cooked it in the microwave and it was just as tasty doesn’t measure to being baked though.

So today, I was craving it, like BAD! I decided to try to replicate it and also add my own touch to it, chicken! Not even sure that I know which vegetables are in the Stouffer’s brand but I’m sure you could add just about anything and it would still taste yummy.¬†I made my good ol’ fashion Alfredo sauce recipe that took me ages to perfect. Today it came out insanely good, I guess I had the right motivation.

Alfredo Sauce 

  • 1/3 cup¬†butter
  • 1/3 cup flour
  • 1/2 cup grated Parmesan¬†cheese
  • 1/4 tsp salt
  • 1/4 tsp garlic powder
  • 1/4 tsp nutmeg
  • dash of pepper
  • 3 1/4 cups of Milk*

*I used lactose free milk, not that it made much difference considering how much cheese I used. Haha!

Lasagna 

  • 1/2 lb lasagna pasta,¬†cooked
  • 2 thin sliced chicken breast, cooked
  • 1 tbsp chopped garlic
  • 2-3 carrots, shredded
  • 1/2 onion, finely chopped
  • 1/2 head broccoli, chopped
  • 2 handfuls of¬†spinach
  • 1 1/2 to 2 cups Italian blend cheese, grated*
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 cup panko
  • 1/2 cup breadcrumbs

*I used Mozzarella, Parmesan and Fontina.

Directions: 

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

Cook your pasta to al dente.

In a frying pan, spray coconut oil or your preferred spray oil to coat. Season chicken with salt and pepper and cook until done. Let cool and chop into small pieces, the smaller the better.

In a medium sauce pan over medium heat, melt butter.  While the butter is melting mix your dry ingredients. Once butter has melted add your flour mixture and with a whisk or spatula cook flour for a minute or so, this is creating a roux (link is to a YouTube video I found) which is the thickening agent for the sauce. Slowly add milk while stirring.

Switch to a wooden spatula, add cheese* and continue to stir until the cheese melts and is smooth. Your sauce will start to thicken. Turn your burner to a very low heat to keep warm and stir occasionally.

*Don’t add too much cheese because the grease will cause your sauce to separate.

In a bowl, mix all of your vegetables,  1/2 cup of cheese, egg and chicken.

In an oven safe baking baking dish (I used a Hefty 9×13 aluminum pan because I was lazy) pour just a little sauce to cover the bottom.

Now start layering! Starting with your noodles, veggie mixture, a little cheese and spoonfuls of sauce and continue the process until completed. Make sure to leave just a little sauce to top the last row of pasta, this is optional. I personally like the crispness of the top noodle with the breadcrumbs but if you don’t like crispy and want moisture, add sauce to the top and cover with breadcrumbs.

Bake for 50 minutes covered. 10 minutes uncovered or if your like me, I turn on the broiler for 1-2 minutes to give it the nice brown color.

Take out of oven let sit for 10 minutes, if you cut into it too soon it will go all over the place. Those 10 minutes make a difference and allow for the dish to set but me being me I couldn’t wait and dug right in, I like my food piping hot!

I’m not a professional at making my food look so fancy in photographs but this is what homemade really looks like! ūüėČ

Enjoy!