Self-Help. Self-Love.

Last year I shared with you that I had been going through a difficult time in my life dealing with my depression and trying to understand my purpose in life. To be honest, everyday is a struggle because I can be pessimistic and vague. I stay in relationships that hurt me, I keep people close to me who are selfish, and I am guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve.

I do it because I love hard and that’s okay but I’m forgetting to take care of myself.

Self-help books. Buy them, rent them, download them, don’t be ashamed to walk to that section of the library, they help if you trust them. They have made me realize that I am a very flawed and tainted individual but hey, aren’t we all? I am not ashamed of who I am and who I am becoming.

Self-help books have taught me about self-love. Reflecting on the good and the bad, the lessons and the blessings, the highs and the lows, and just accepting everything as they are. You can only control so much, so why not worry about what you have control over?

Self-love is the first step to happiness. It is in my opinion. Continue reading

DIY photography “wood” board

As I was walking into my local Whole Foods the other day I noticed a store next door called Hobby Lobby. I thought to myself “aww how nice, they are finally making stores for men” haha..WRONG! The temptation to a shop is EVERYWHERE! It’s no wonder why women are shopaholics, temptation looks us in the eyes every time we walk into a Tarjay. I guess some or even most women are just natural spenders. I, for one am not going to sugar coat it, I work to spend. I can’t even tell you how many promises I have made to myself to not shop and I just break them every time. I tried giving it up for Lent…yea, no success.

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Pistachio Muffins

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Last week a coworker of mine brought another coworker and I “pistachio” muffins from, well, from a place I would rather not disclose because it’s just not that big of deal and I love their muffins, in fact their entire menu but I feel somewhat cheated. I was so excited because pistachio is one of the nuts that I can actually have after somehow developing a tree nut and peanut allergy.😒

**Fun Fact: Did you know that peanuts are considered legumes, therefore, part of the peas and lentil family? I didn’t know either until I developed the allergy and had to watch everything I ate.**

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Judgement…

So last week I posted a little bit about how fear is an asshole and how it stops you in your tracks. After spending time with family and friends this past weekend and talking out loud about my fears, I was quite surprised with their feedback, especially with their support. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, I felt happy and confident, and I knew that they understood me. I really did not expect the amount of love and support I received from them and if you’re reading this, thank you for having my best interests at heart! 😊😘

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Fear.

“Fear is not a trivial matter. In many ways, it restricts our lives; it imprisons us.”

So I have been a little M.I.A., been fighting some big ass demons. lol. I just want to talk about something I think that we all face – knowingly or not. Maybe you don’t always feel it but when you do, you don’t know what to do. It causes anxiety, stress, heartache…and you know what it’s a real bitch. Constantly stopping you from what you want to do or pursue and to be honest, I never thought that I would be the person to even own up to this but I will, fear, it has stopped me from living my life to the fullest.

I have a huge fear of letting people down and/or disappointing them.

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Thursday Thoughts 

I stumbled across @lindseycatarino page on Instagram Explore, it was a photo of her at Disney with the castle in the background – so pretty. So I clicked on her profile started to browse. I came across the below photo of her, but it wasn’t her photo that intrigued me this time but rather her caption. It sparked something in me, it was as if suddenly the fire that had been dying out came to life again, burning brighter and hotter than ever.

I can totally relate to the struggle, I think a lot of us can. I realized that there are so many people out there in her exact position, where they feel the pressure of trying to become ‘successful’ but most of the time we become something or someone that we are not. I certainly have found myself in this position many times and I convinced myself that this is the way it’s supposed to be, that these are the cards that were dealt to me. I started to become like every other person, a zombie, living but not living. Just making ends meet and enough to feel ‘satisfied’.

What made Lindsey’s post so interesting to me is that I too, love everything that involves creativity but I settled for a “real” job, accounting (the irony that we both share this). This job is what pays the bills but it is Definitely not my passion, it does not make me 100% happy but it’s a job, a good paying job. I have stability, don’t need to worry whether or not I will have a home next month (God forbid I lose my job or something). I can shop, go out as I please and vacation when I can but reading, writing, baking and taking photos that’s where my heart is. Though it does not provide me with an income it brings much happiness.

You know what the problem is? Society. Its way of making us think we need to be something more. The problem also is that most of us who have the itch to do or pursue something that we love, just don’t know how to. There isn’t anything in books that teaches you this, I mean there are but not how to get the courage to do it!

We get frustrated, don’t know where to start, what to invest in or who to talk to that we simply just give up. We all have done it, we all have  given up on something at one point. Some will keep trying until they succeed or if they fail they walk away.  I don’t want to walk away, I don’t want to give up. Not again. Lindsey was the inspiration that I needed today, looking at her Instagram page and reading her caption made me realize that even if there is no income (or if there is) this is something that will bring much happniess.

So today….

I want you to reflect on your life and your aspirations. Are you where you want to be and are you happy? How do you define success?

I have been reflecting on this all morning, when I first started this blog I didn’t know how to feel about posting things on the internet for the world to judge. It actually kind of scared me and made me feel nervous, gave me slight anxiety. I guess because people can be pretty mean out there, ever read comments on random IG pages? I often wonder what goes thru the mind of those as they leave those ugly and hateful comments. Anyway, we don’t’ need that negativity carrying on…I am happy that I have finally started, it’s not much but it’s a start. In order to grow I needed to dedicate time, a lot of time, sacrifice and spend a little money. I decided to take the semester off from school so that I can focus on pursuing my hobbies and making myself happy.

Lindsey, thank you for inspiring me and giving me that push today!

Happy Thursday!