So I have been a little M.I.A., been fighting some big ass demons. lol. I just want to talk about something I think that we all face – knowingly or not. Maybe you don’t always feel it but when you do, you don’t know what to do. It causes anxiety, stress, heartache…and you know what it’s a real bitch. Constantly stopping you from what you want to do or pursue and to be honest, I never thought that I would be the person to even own up to this but I will, fear, it has stopped me from living my life to the fullest.
I have a huge fear of letting people down and/or disappointing them.
So what is fear: to be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.
Painful, that’s the word, I don’t like it. No one likes to feel pain and unless you’re evil you don’t like to inflict pain on others – whether it be physical or emotional.
I think I have spent my whole life trying to make everyone around me happy that I completely lost myself along the way. Don’t get me wrong I have certainly felt happy in my life, many times but I have also found myself in some sticky situations where I feel pressure, uneasiness, and lots of stress. Then I asked myself, why? Why am I in this position?
Because I allow myself to be. I would rather make the other person or crowd happy because the thought of letting them down or hurting them gives me anxiety, creates stresses and makes me feel guilty.
But that’s not where it ends, I also have the fear of letting go, the fear that everything will go wrong, the fear that I won’t be happy…Really?? Talking about anxiety on another level. Can’t sleep, can’t eat, don’t want to work out, don’t want to be around people, just want to be left alone.
Fear and anxiety go hand in hand and together they will rule your world but only if you allow them to.
But not today Satan, not today.
As I sit here at this awesome coffee shop in Fort Lauderdale, sipping my dirty thai espresso and munchin’ on this amazingly fresh blueberry muffin, I started to think. So I put my headphones on, opened up Macbook and started Googling fear, the study of fear, phobias, how to be fearless, how to be strong, how to find the strength and courage to find MYSELF and be and feel happy again. I am 30 years old and still afraid to go out and chase my dreams and my happiness.
I found some awesome things, read tons of articles, came across books to read and questions, the Internet is such a powerful tool!! I asked myself the below questions over and over and over…and let me tell you, each time I asked myself it was something different.
- What am I actually afraid of?
- Am I afraid of the process or the result?
- Do I feel that I can handle the process?
- Do I feel like I can handle the outcome?
Some say fear is an emotion while others think it’s a symptom of anxiety which some consider a disorder. My whole point to this is that I don’t need to be afraid and I need to stop thinking that I’m letting people down and start realizing that I’m making better decisions for myself. I know I can’t make everyone happy and I know that it’s just simply impossible to. Your happiness – and mine – should be number one on the list. If you feel like me, please don’t allow yourself to feel this way any longer. Find yourself! I’m working on me too.
My sister and I were texting back and forth today on a particular situation that is creating a lot of chaos in my mind and creating all this fear, she said “it’s going to be hard and it will be a battle but the freedom and happiness will be worth the fight”. Talk about being a philosopher? LOL. My sister is a nutcase sometimes but in times of need she really comes through and I couldn’t be anymore happy with her love and support.
I broke down what she said and applied it to various situations and although I’d love to get into detail the coffee shop is getting ready to close plus I have to go home to my pug. Until next time…I will try my hardest to start posting all these pending posts I have but life happens. LOL
Good night 🙃